PUNCHLINE: They are out there stalking your boyfriends, husbands, brothers, pastors and any other admirable member of the male species.
By: Hillary Soh Ojiambo
Hey folks, I know that all of you are aware of the infamous Mafisi Secret Sacco but well, this weekend I stumbled on some confidential information concerning another Sacco, The Fissets Sacco. I know it’s a bit dangerous for me to share such information publicly. However, for the sake of the union, allow me to write something about the Sacco. I really hope that you will keep the information confidential because after this, my life will be in danger. Please, don’t tell anybody that you read this article.
For those who do not know, Fissets are the female version of the notorious ‘Fisis’. They are out there stalking your boyfriends, husbands, brothers, pastors and any other admirable member of the male species. It might be breaking news to some. However, brothers like Denzel Chinedu understand it when I say that a Fisset sting is painful; congratulations bro for bugging home that award. I bet the Fissets are now plotting on how to get hold of you, so watch out! Back to our Fissets…
I met one Fisset I around campus. For the sake of her schemes, allow me to keep her name on my phonebook contacts, call her anything you want. She is this one heart-stopping beautiful lady, a heavenly smile and a golden face. From a distance, she looks like a well groomed usher from a very spiritual church but no, she is not. To her, religion is the least of her worries as all she looks and cares about, is how to snatch and date the next rich, tall, dark and handsome man she comes across (she is no novice at this).
At the time of meeting her, she was working on one of her schemes to snatch a certain gentleman from the clutches of her girlfriend and after a long ‘come-to-Jesus’ talks with her, she finally opened up about this guy.
“Soh, this dude is handsome, dresses well and looks like he has some good cash. I need him to be my man.” She says as her face brightens into a smile. “I have tried all ways to make him notice me but he never does, so I have to go to him and tell him what I am feeling. I know he can’t reject me because he looks a bit shy.” She adds with a giggle.
When I inquired about how she feels when she is just about to snatch a person’s sweetheart, she simply rolled her eyes in a way that says, “I don’t care how she feels” then said: “Listen Soh, guys like him are very few in this campus and as such, they deserve good care. I know I can take care of him better than that thing he calls girlfriend and even if it means literally fighting to get him, I will. Before next week ends, he will be mine.”
Folks, this is a dangerous trajectory as far as everyone is concerned. Soon we will be having a supremacy battle between the Fisis and the Fissets. Our efforts to get replies from the Mafisi Sacco were unsuccessful. We will keep you posted as the story unfolds.
Till then folks, just take. For all rich, tall, dark and handsome men, just know that there is a Fisset somewhere eying you.